Christmas is the season of giving, the season  of sharing and love.  A few more days before Christmas and I finally decided to put up our Christmas tree, my mother has been bugging me to do it a few months ago, but I am just too lazy to do it because I have no gifts to put under the tree and I don’t feel like celebrating, but since my sister and I wrapped some gifts for our Godchildren, I have decided to take out the tree yesterday, my sister has more gifts in the tree than mine, because her Godchildren keeps on adding since she started working (lol).

Christmas Tree 2018

A few days ago, a very distant cousin took me as a Godmother for his child, it has been said it is unlucky to say no to this type of invitation so another child was added to the list of my Godchildren.  Another child, will search for me on Christmas day (haha).

“2018 will soon bid us goodbye. Not all our friends, relatives and family made it this year. Never take for granted the people you love. Be thankful for today, because in one moment our entire life could change.”

Honestly, I have come to realized that the month of December last year was so memorable and happier than this year, did some hiking, been to two weddings of my high school classmates, attended a Christening as Godparent, and the Christmas party at church is worth remembering because there was a good preparation unlike this year it is a bit blunt and dull because there will be no Christmas service at night, the church Christmas party will be celebrated on Sunday after the service, it will be a whole day activity, games and then exchange gift  which is not well planned, no Christmas decor at church as well.

Christmas Tree 2017

What I am loathing, last Christmas I have been able to make the kids at church happy and even the kids coming to our home by giving them toys, school supplies and candies. I also able to give gifts to my family, relatives, friends and frequent store customers, but when my business went down the spiral after trusting people that cannot be trusted when it comes to dealing, everything went to the drain included my plans to give gifts to children every Christmas as a mission, life didn’t allow me to do it this year, maybe I shall find sponsors for next year (lol).

There will be a get together this month for my high school and college alumni, but the thing is I am not attending. Yep, I know it will be my chance to see my fellow schoolmates and classmates again, one of them just came home from the US, but I just don’t feel like going and mingling. At the end of the month will be my older aunt and her husband’s  50th wedding anniversary, her kids planned a party for them so I guess December 2018 isn’t too dull when it comes to happenings and events.

On celebrating of Christmas, gifts, food and money matters isn’t too important as long as you are celebrating it with your family and love ones.

Sunday, we have  a class in the afternoon, but I didn’t go to school because I am not really feeling well, so I asked my friend W to excuse me in class, with an excuse letter. It will be our first meeting after our teacher didn’t show up last Sunday to school, and as expected only a few students attended the class, good thing they didn’t do some lessons just some chit chats.

Now a day, Facebook is becoming a big help in spreading information and it was through Facebook that we have heard that the Christmas market in Odiongan opened last night. My mother, sister and I checked it out last night and it was bigger than the previous night markets in the town of Odiongan, there are many stalls and business owner who participated this year.

We walked through the stalls of clothes, toys, accessories and etc. before reaching the food stalls at the other end, it looks like they were the same food stall at first glance, but then at second look you will notice that there are some new stalls added and as expected the smoothie of fresh fruits was the most popular stalls.

We sat along the benches where many people were seated inside the Children’s park, there are some young people dancing, kids playing, older people chitchatting, people  taking pictures and etc., The park was adorned too with beautiful and big lanterns, as I have heard from a cousin there will be a  lantern contest but as the youth president in our barangay had said the judging will be on the 15th.

We just wander a bit among the Christmas lanterns and decided to go home while the opening program was just starting.

Older people often say, when someone is nearing to death, they can sense and feel it without knowing, maybe that is why sometimes there are people who is able to give their last words. Since my grandmother died, it has been frequently in my mind to choose the song I wanted the funeral car to play in my own burial, I am even thinking what would be my dress and coffin would be (but I have thought I can’t be choosy with it), I have already a few songs in my mind. I am telling myself to have them ready in my desktop, but I have been procrastinating and I have been bargaining again to Divine presence not right now, I am not ready yet, so no wonder I am not making a playlist for it. It reminds me the times when J and I were traveling, the thought of writing all my account passwords suddenly came to my mind every time we are on the plane thinking at least my family can access them when I am gone, I bargained as well that time to just let me create a document for it, well I have been writing them slowly today not because I am preparing but because I am being forgetful of my passwords (haha).

[Photo courtesy of Free-Photos/pixabay.com]

This morning, I woke up with a pain the in left side of my brain what I mean inside the head beyond my skull. What had happened? I was dreaming when suddenly I felt something crawl into my skin and it woke me up shocked and surprised that it runs in my head, maybe if I am older and have a high blood pressure problem I could end up getting a stroke. I don’t know if it is real or I was just dreaming too that something is crawling in my skin, anyway, it reminded me to pray.

Anyway, there is no class today because it is declared non-working holiday and it was a good thing because I am not feeling well.

One of the hardest things to do in life is to decide, as Libra I am indecisive by nature. I could choose something and then regret it afterwards, but usually when I made a wrong choice, I either look at the bright side or live with it in misery (lol).

Our lesson last night was about morality and values. We are given a scenario to choose what we value the most or what is our values towards a certain situation. The example given by our teacher was, in the same night you have a church commitment and there will be a championship battle of the band where you happened to be the most important member of the band, the vocalist. Where you will go, to the church or to the band competition?

Through the topic, I remember some situations in my life that I have to choose what to prioritize first. It happens, one Sunday when I was already inside the church, then I was called to go out and was told that a Christening will be held that day (in a different church/religion) and as one of the Godparent of the child I have to be there. So what I did? I have decided to return inside the church and finished the service, I am already attending the church before I was told of the Christening, I have seen the mother the day before and she didn’t inform me about it.

[Photo courtesy of yvettelamidey.com]

The second time, I have to make a decision was, when the church celebrated Thanksgiving Sunday , and it was voted by many to have a Sunday service in the resort hall and celebrated it over there than making it inside the church. I really don’t skip Sunday service, but I did that day, because I am not comfortable with their decision and it doesn’t agree with my moral values. What I did, I went alone in the church and pray while everyone is in the resort celebrating.

Another time, I have to make the decision was quite different from the first two decisions I made. The mountaineering group I am affiliated with has a scheduled climb and that is Sunday, contrary to my first two decisions I went hiking, Pastor E wasn’t around that Sunday and the service was left to young people who doesn’t really prepare sermons prior to this, they are more into singing and interpretative dancing. And since the founder of the mountaineering attending the church during Sabbath most of the scheduled climb were Sundays, and I climbed with them with another two Sundays, but recently they scheduled another Sunday climb and I decided to go to church instead of going with them.

A few more weeks before Christmas and the park in town was adorned with so many lights, the grand lighting happened last Sunday with a short opening program. We went to town to check it, but we are way too early so we decided to go home and planned to return, but it hasn’t materialized because we have thought we can’t really enjoy and have a solo picture because of many people wanting the same.

Last Tuesday after class, instead of just my father fetching me and my friend W, the other members of the family tagged along to see how Children Paradise looks like at night. W and I is earning educational units together and we are on the same block, her brother usually picked her up after class but not that night.

There were only few people in the park when we arrived, wandering and taking pictures with their friends and family. The park didn’t meet my expectation; however, it was good enough with the presence of the well lit Christmas tree, dented Christmas ball and the tunnel of lights in the side facades. The trees last year were lighted better than today, we only spend ten minutes and left because there was nothing else to see, there was no Christmas market yet in the vicinity.

The other night in one of our subjects as Unit Earner, we talked about our Philosophy in life or our Philosophy as a teacher, we wrote an essay about it. I realized you can’t change who you are and what you believe in life just for the sake that other people do it or other people told you to do it because it is you, it is your own views and attitude. No wonder, my mother and sister can’t change my belief and have a millennial attitude towards life.

[Photo courtesy of Free-Photo/pixabay.com]

Anyway, it is one more day before the debate and I am not fully prepared yet. Our teacher picked me as one of the speakers for the debate with a topic “Cross-dressing should be disallowed among students” with my classmates cheering and rooting for me (lmao).  Our teacher hid two chalks in his hands and asked me to pick one, I picked the shortest one which is the negative side which mean we are in favor of cross-dressing among students.  Dunno, how I am going to defend the negative side when I am not really fully aware with this topic  and I am not really fully favored with it.

Lately, I am becoming an outgoing person again to the extent I don’t feel shy or scared anymore of other people’s reaction, it looks like meeting new people made me become bubbly and carefree again, to look always at the bright side of things no matter how dark and dirty the water is.

When enrollment is starting I have a told a friend that she will be the one to speak up and asked questions and I will just behind her, but guess what? It is the other way around, I have even guided her the procedure of enrollment when she arrives late from previous errand and it was me who talked a lot, I have been blurted out to her, that I think getting older make you so very confident about things and interacting with people, unlike when you are young that you are so scared of the teachers and the older people around you, which she agreed and said, because we are already older now.

When we had our school ID made, while waiting for Sir L, my friend and I meet our high school teacher who hardly remember our name, she was already retired since five years ago. She blurted out, that I look very pretty today compare to what I look like when I am still a high school student, which I jokingly replied, … that there was no Kojic acid and Glutathione during those time (lol).

Anyway, when we meet Sir L, he  blurted out I never changed, it was still the talkative me (lmao). If he only knew what I had become, prior of meeting me again…

Well, a lot of things have changed since I graduated and got my degree, the university became technically progressive where you can now view your student profile and grades online, and since we are newbie and the secretary of the college, we are enrolled in, didn’t teach us how to access our data nor give our username and passwords, we disturbed our schoolmate who is already teaching at the college to teach us on how to do it, which he obliged because there were two of us annoying him (hahaha).

It is Sunday today and it is Thanksgiving Sunday at church, the service proper started at 8:30 in the morning, there was no Sunday school service to give way for the Thanksgiving celebration, the flow of the program was a bit different than normal Sundays, there was also a part where you have to go up front to give testimonies of Thanksgiving, I went up front to say something, the last time I spoke in front of the congregation giving testimony was when I graduated from College, that was 11 years ago and I didn’t go there on my own because my name was listed in the program, when I return to my seat Mrs. E held my hand, only few has the courage to go upfront and I think she felt happy that I took courage when every Sunday I just silently sit in front and listen to the sermon.

The scripture reading was found in Psalm 103: 1-5 with a scriptural topic of “Bless the Lord, O My Soul“, Pastor E talked about what are the verses all about and he said that someone called these passages as  David’s “Hallelujah Chorus.” Pastor E, cut the verses into three parts as follows;  Praise the Lord and count your blessings (vv. 1-2), Life in relationship with God is whole and healthy (v. 3), and Life in relationship with God is meaningful (vv. 4-5).

In verses 1-2, he set David as an example, that instead of complaining about his burdens, he counted his blessings.  The two verses were a prayer of nothing but praise to God. There is no supplication, no request, no petition or plea in this prayer.   Verse 3, God heals our diseases, soul and physical. In verse 4, God forgives our sins, because He gives us a relationship, because He heals our soul’s diseases (Psalm 147:3), then we see that life is meaningful. This verse can be rendered, “He keeps your life from going to waste.” God gives His people purpose in living. He gives us meaning. He keeps our lives from going to waste. Our lives are lived with eternal purpose. All life, not lived in Christ is only a shell of what they are intended to be. This is one of the benefits of knowing God, our lives count; they have not lived in vain. They have eternal significance. This is one of the things David is praising the Lord for. In verse 5: He satisfies our  mouth, he gives us satisfaction in our old age, it says that one of the benefits of being God’s people is that when we are old we will not have to look back upon our lives with regret. Regardless of your age, or of how many years you have walked upon the earth, God will give us satisfaction.

Well, I am writing the sermon every Sunday and when the verses or the sermon fits into my life situation I took it personally, as if God is talking to me, giving me hope, assurance, answers and etc.

When the Thanksgiving Sunday service was finished, there was lunch as expected. Every zone brings their own food, my aunt asked for the contribution the day before in our zone, the church celebrated two Thanksgiving Sunday and the Thanksgiving in March is the biggest one where the church shouldered all the expenses and slaughtered pigs.

There was a raffle event after lunch, contrary to the norms where the church bought items to be raffled and members have to buy tickets, the method used today is to bring items to be raffled and it will correspond to two tickets, bringing one item to be raffled will give you two raffle tickets, I brought two items so I got 4 raffle tickets.  I got a clothes hanger as one of the minor price, then a plastic pitcher, and a red pail and the second major price which is a pot. #feelingthankful

Yep, all of my 4 raffle tickets won a prize. While doing the raffle, I have told my cousins I am going to get a pail and as I told, I got the last pail, then my number was called for the second major prize and Mrs. E gave me five and his husband too, and guess what they got the major prize which is a flat iron. I even jokingly says, I passed my lucky vibe to them (lol).

Student life. I had a week off and two days but I spend it procrastinating (Mañana Habit), and today I am cramming on what to do first, online examination, watched informational videos, study online, do online assignments and quizzes and do some research.  I have already downloaded the videos and pdf files provided by one of our teacher through Google Classroom and what is left for me is to watch and read them but I can’t bring myself to do it, I went directly to Quiz 1 (Basic Concepts of Assessment) without watching and reading because they doesn’t seem related to each other, it looks like the quiz depends on your basic knowledge about assessment or our from the short introduction that was shared to us on our first class, that’s what I think, but upon reading more before I submitted my answers, I have found out it is okay not to answer the quiz yet because we didn’t discussed it yet (lmao).

Anyway, went to cemetery twice today for the burial of distant neighbors. One in the morning at the old cemetery and one in the afternoon at the not so new cemetery, went to two wakes last night with my family. We really didn’t stay long, went home thirty minutes before ten o’clock. You know what, it was so surreal that I felt a bit dizzy, it was almost a month ago when my grandmother has its funeral and burial eh.

It was almost twelve years ago when I last set foot in the university after I earned my Bachelor’s degree. When my world turn upside down, my parents push me return to the university to earn educational units, so I can teach if ever I passed the teacher’s board examination, but I keep on declining. I wasn’t too outgoing then and I am a little anxious to see new people and meet my college instructors again.

[Photo courtesy of lil_foot_/pixabay.com]

The decision of not following my parents and being irritated to my father every time he told me to go back to school, made me regret it. What could have been if go back to school three years ago? I wasted three years of my life, being comfortable inside the four walls of our home and hiding from the world. Well, after almost three years, I am back to the university which almost didn’t materialize because I have to go home to Tarlac City, to look after my sick grandma, but as lucky as I was, we arrived back home just right for the last week of enrollment.

Anyway, to cut the story short, I am now back at the university earning educational units. The classes started last week, but it was cut short because of the Provincial Meet because the rooms will be used by the provincial athletes. We have two days and a week off, today I should be studying and reviewing after receiving the online details of the review materials, but I am dilly dallying, I can’t just focus on the lessons and a friend came to copy Korean drama series today, my mother and sis had a collection of them.

[Photo courtesy of kaboompics/pixabay.com]

During our first day of class as unit earner, we usually introduce ourselves to each other and what made us to earn an educational unit, like what I have said in class there are a lot of factors that pushes me and made me decide to attend school again, just a few of them, it was around July last year when I attended a training for Tourist Promotion Services and most of my classmates were education graduates who told me I can be a good teacher, well what did I do? Aside from being the group’s main reporter, I just stole our trainer’s teaching time by teaching my classmates how to earn from blogging (lmao). Well, he allowed me and he is even amused of me teaching (I think, hahaha). And then I have to teach for the first time for Operation Christmas Child as a volunteer teacher, we have the training early of 2018, after a few months the boxes arrived so teaching/sharing the Gospel started afterwards. That is when, I have realized, I have the passion to teach contrary to what I have said to my father that I don’t have a  talent in teaching. If I remember too, I once played a role as a teacher to my younger sis and distant cousins when we are kids.

Honestly, you know what, it was a good thing that one of my instructors in college wasn’t around the university anymore, because I have told him before I will not teach, after he told me to wait until I become a teacher after correcting or telling him what to do while he is giving us a lesson (ok I am so bad), because if he is still around teaching and he remember what I have told him, I will be really embarrassed.

Anyway, earning educational unit will not make me a teacher right away. I have to pass the Teacher’s Licensure Exam which I am too anxious of doing. Good luck to me, to us!