Cleaning the bathroom is one of the things I do even before, so a few days ago I decided to clean our bathroom barefooted, it was been a long time since I cleaned it thoroughly because the water supply in our barangay (village) is scarce, the water only runs in the morning for about 2-3 hours.

As cleaning agent I used muriatic acid as well as bleach without using a mask for protection,  I have cleaned it thoroughly from walls to floor. I have turned the lights and fan but I think it was a wrong move because I inhaled so much fumes from muriatic acid leading me to choke and cough, I went out for a bit to inhale fresh air. When I am done cleaning I switched off the light and fan and that’s when an electricity bolt run through my finger to my head, I was shocked for a moment but I still managed to pull back my finger, maybe if I didn’t I was electrocuted to death.

[Photo courtesy of RitaE/pixabay.com]

The bathroom switched light was gone for a minute, I have already thought I broke the switch. I was thinking if I should tell my mother that I was almost electrocuted and I broke the light/fan switch. Thinking she might go to the bathroom and get electrocuted as well, I decided to tell her not to touch the bathroom switch and a little story of what had happened to me inside.

My mother is really epic, instead of being worried to me I got scolded for being careless and splashing water in the wall where the electric switch was.

Anyway, it was the strongest electric shocked I encountered in my life maybe because I am barefooted, the electric switch and the floor is wet as well as my hands.  I thought it was the end of my life but I guess I still have purpose here on earth.

My head aches after I got electrocuted, the lower part just below my ears. I think my brain got an electric shock! The next day, I cleaned our living room using muriatic acid and inhaled more fumes again.

One morning I woke with a chest pain, like there is some boulder or hollow blocks in top of my chest. It scares me because I thought the lump in my breast is already envading my veins or body, I complained about it to my family but they didn’t do anything aside from asking what did I do.  The pain didn’t go away the next day, it was much worst because my back hurts as well, I almost panic thinking my lungs is deflating or watery.

Being bewitched by unseen being is normal in rural areas, so my sister and I went to a female herb doctor complaining my chest and back pain and I was asked what did I do before experiencing pain, she chuckled asking what am I carrying at my back to feel the pain.

Well, the night before, I have only thrown the cat litter in the vacant field, after doing an egg ritual it was found  out that I got bewitched by unseen being.  Believed it or not, but the form that was shown by the egg whites above was the same form that was shown when my sister went to a herb doctor a few months before I did. It wasn’t coincidental, it only means we are bewitched in the same place, which is true.  When I throw the cat litter in the rugs that night, I have already felt something strange like I am not alone and there’s some being looking at me, I was actually on hesitation to walk through but I I still did.

Anyway, the healer massage my back a bit and I was instructed to pick some clutter in the place shown in the egg whites dropped in a glass of water and burnt it together with the egg shells, and have the smoke goes to me (tuob) and after which I should throw the dirt or the burnt clutter back to the place where I picked them. I felt better after seeing a herb doctor my back pain was gone and I am able to sleep after doing the smoke ritual but when I wake up from a power nap I felt pain in my chest again.

We have different character and different approached to people. I am type of person who is snobbish and doesn’t really smile unless I know you; I won’t really open a conversation unless you open first. Just like an old crazy genius had told me a long time ago I am type of person who doesn’t trust at first sight, he said I observed first before speaking to someone and once I am being comfortable I easily trust and I am being too talkative. He was able to blurted it out when my classmates and I saw him in the public park;  he is known for being a walking encyclopaedia . As young students who can’t even memorized all the lessons at school my friends excitedly approached him and asked the scientific names of things on their mind. They all went amazed and asked so many things while I was just in the back looking at them and listening and that’s where he blurted out that I am different.

These past few days I am feeling bad for being rude and not socially inclined, like for not speaking a word when someone is talking at me or just nodding when someone asked me something. We cater photocopy at home with the use of a printer, $10 a month was already good since there we really don’t have a lot of customers just neighbors who are burdensome to go town to get one document to be photocopied.

One day while photocopying some music sheets for a church, I was asked by the customer if I was a COP student way back on college, I corrected it by saying Information Technology and then he blurted out that he was seeing me around back then (seeing in the school or maybe institute) instead of asking him what year he was or what was his course I just keep my mouth shut, yeah right I didn’t say a word nor continue a conversation.  When the customer was gone I have asked my sister if I did the right thing of not speaking, my sister chuckled on disbelief, she said I was too rude and so snobbish for not uttering any word.

Today it happens again, someone came to our house to have some documents to be photocopied. I was perplexed when she went inside our house with her slippers on; it was a strict rule inside our house not to bring our dirty slippers inside. Since I don’t feel good about it when she asked to sit in our chair instead of happily saying yes I just made a letter O sound and when she was gone I have asked my mother if I did the right thing or if I was being rude again. My mother didn’t answer me directly she just told me I should just let her with her slippers on since that’s how it works on their house and today my guilt is eating me again and can’t stop thinking about it, thinking that I am being too rude again to people.

Am I really rude?

It was been a long time since I write about Sunday, my internet was just slow to open pages since the frequent raining last month. Today is the first Sunday of the month so the church service was a bit early,  after drinking a cup of coffee I headed to the church nearby.  Pastor E’s scripture reading for today was from 1 Thessalonians 1: 1-3, with a new topic for the whole month which is “My Heritage of Faith, My Legacy”.

When we die, we all leave a legacy behind. Have you ever considered what legacy to leave when you die? How do we want to be remember?

[Photo courtesy of talkwisdom.wordpress.com]

According to Paul on verse 3 one of the character of a lasting legacy is faith, faith produces good work. Faith is when God invade our hearts, when He let Him do the things for us and accepting His ways rather than doing our own ways.  The second character is the legacy of love,  a labor prompted by love.  Pastor E set an examples what is laboring love, the first one is loving without getting anything in return, the other example is accepting your spouse imperfections, he reiterated how a couple is perfect before marriage, but after marriage all imperfections arises and choosing to accept those imperfections are called labor of love, the last one is the legacy of hope inspired of endurance.

Pastor E finished his preaching by leaving an quotes from Benjamin Franklin that  says “If you would not be forgotten as soon as you are dead, either write something worth reading or do things worth writing.”

Today, after drinking  a cup of coffee and eating “kakanin” I head on the church without much to take care of. The scripture verse this Sunday was from Colossians 3:1-4. Pastor E talked about character, how it is our inner strength. He says character is not what we do but it is who we are and it defines us, the expression of our faith.

Pastor E didn’t speak so much he just elaborate the importance of character as a Christian and how Christian should be after accepting Christ as their Lord and Savior, that the old has gone and the new is here, we must live like Christ like. A Christian a completely changed person, transformed in character.

The responsive reading was very touching and it reads like this –

Father, During this coming week there may be times when I shall not be able to sense Your presence or to be aware of Your nearness.

When I am lonely and by myself I TRUST YOU TO BE MY COMPANION.

When I am tempted to sin I TRUST YOU TO KEEP ME FROM IT.

When I am depressed and anxious I TRUST YOU TO LIFT MY SPIRITS.

When I am crushed by my responsibility and overwhelmed by the demands of people on my time, I TRUST YOU TO GIVE ME POISE AND A SENSE OF PURPOSE.

When I am rushed and running I TRUST YOU TO MAKE ME STILL INSIDE.

When I forget You I TRUST THAT YOU WILL NEVER FORGET ME.

When I forget others I TRUST YOU TO PROMPT ME TO THINK OF THEM.

When you take something or someone from me that I want to keep; when You remove the props I lean on for comfort in place of You; when You refuse to respond to my questions and to answer my selfish prayers, I WILL TRUST YOU EVEN THEN. Amen

The other day I have learned that a school mate got married after long years of dating, I have informed my mother about it and she asked me why I wasn’t invited which I simply replied that we are not closed which made her wonder and asked why she went with another schoolmate into our home when I just arrived from abroad, well maybe she just tagged along.

Anyway, it feels like it was been long years, the other day I am able to reread my blog post entitled My Life, My Friends and My Sadness I have been home for a few years and if you will asked me if I meet any of them for a get together, my answer is no.  Never had a chance to meet them and talked like there is no tomorrow. A few times, I have met my college friend when I visited her on her work place, the second time when I dropped my gift to her son and then nothing else, I hid myself and never been out of home unless going to town market with my family.

[Photo courtesy of thatsphotography/pixabay.com]

Honestly, I believed I have a lot of friends but I have found out I am only their friend when I am around and when I am not I am just someone else. Anyway, I have seen some of my “friends” but it is always a casual meeting, if we didn’t wave each other we just say hi and hello. Actually, there is someone I consider a friend on my high school days, I know her parents and her siblings and whenever I saw her in town I greeted her first but I have noticed she wasn’t that excited to see me, she won’t acknowledge me until I acknowledge her first and whenever I asked her question she sounds so inferior and so mighty so I stopped saying hi after realizing it was only me who cares. One fateful day, I saw her walking with a foreigner and the moment she saw me, she held the guy’s arm and let loose when I am already out of her sight and because of curiosity I have done stalking to her social account and I found out it was her boyfriend and she visited a few Asians countries already, so after that incident I didn’t wonder anymore why she has that attitude towards me.

[Photo courtesy of ThePixelman/pixabay.com]

“I am scared of rejection so I choose to be alone”

When android phones became popular in the market I reconnected with some of my so called “friends” and schoolmates through Facebook but then I realized their hidden agenda on reconnecting with me. They want to meet me but I have to pay for them, they want to bring me but I have to pay for them and blah blah blah…. there are some “friends” who will asked how much allowance I received monthly and whenever I say I am not receiving any, end of discussion they won’t message again but what is more entertaining was when an old friend added me in Facebook just to borrow money (lol).

Since then, I learned how to be reserved and answer briefly as short as their question. I don’t give much details and updates about me especially about my married life that they are devouring to know.

Went to church on New Years eve and then went home and sleep, we have no preparation for the New Year. My sister wake me up when 12 o’clock strikes in the clock so I could see few fireworks in the sky, there’s not much then it is drizzling. The night is very silent, my father fired eight pieces of “kwitis” then when they’re all fired up, I went down and sleep again.

It’s New Year and most people sleep late but the church service started very early because it is first Sunday of the month. Pastor opened his preaching for the day by asking if we are pessimist or optimist.  Looking back, I am always an optimistic person, I always look at the bright side and I always find good reason in every situation, like why a flight has been cancelled or delayed, that life is more important than money and so on… then my light dies… I became pessimistic and expect worst in every thing, I became hopeless…

Anyway, the scriptural scripture this Sunday is from Ephesians 5: 15-17. Pastor reminded everyone to watch our step because sometimes we are guilty of living too fast, to redeem our time and make most of every opportunity and do God’s will.

Pastor E shared a lot of inspiring verses from the bible after the preaching proper like Let not your heart be troubled.” (John 14:1 KJV),  “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you” (Deuteronomy 31:6) and other verses that were strong enough to pacify a hopeless and weary heart.

Since I went to church early without eating anything I decided to have a sip of coffee, ate bread  and peanut butter after church and while I am eating an aunt called and invited us to their house to eat, was told that some of our relatives were there eating.  I am already full but we don’t want to disappoint our aunt so my sister and I went to their home which is now owned by her son. Well, they have plenty of preparation for the new year,  there was a lot of food to eat.

It was my cousin’s wedding yesterday, my parents were one of the principal sponsors and my younger sister was one of the bridesmaids and me was one of the visitors. I dress nicely so I won’t be under-dress like the previous weddings of my relatives but I think I over dress because my dress blend with the bridesmaids.

Below are some of the disappointments, problems they face before and after the wedding.

Unforeseen Event

My cousin’s wedding brought a lot of stress to them, days before the wedding the mother of the groom died so the groom family wasn’t able to attend the wedding, then there was a typhoon so there was a lot of passengers that has been stranded, so some of their visitors and part of the entourage were not able to attend my cousin’s wedding.

Gown Rental

The dresses of the bridesmaid were not done on time and the dress of the matron of honor was a disaster that she wasn’t able to wear it on the wedding day. A few months before the wedding day, my cousin’s family informed the couturier about the bridesmaid dresses, the color and etc., The bridesmaid even went to their house/shop for the measurement, everything went well but not as the wedding day is coming. A few weeks before the wedding the dresses weren’t ready yet, it was told that they were still in Manila as they were sewn in the city, days before the wedding the dresses were still out of sight, the bridesmaid had to be measured again just in case the dresses needs to be repaired for their new measurement.  A day before the wedding the dresses arrives to their house and it is coming from out of town contrary to what is told that is coming from Manila, and since the dresses were not yet fully finished, minor details were not added yet my aunt and the bride has to wait for them until early mornight. Instead of relaxing for the wedding tomorrow they are stressed waiting for the bridesmaid dress to be done.

Catering

The reception was a disappointment too. There are still photos taking photos at the church but the groom and bride’s cut-outs name has to be removed because it has to be used at the reception held at the bride’s residence. The program proper didn’t start until the bride and grooms place was not set-up (re: adding the cut-outs). Then the secondary sponsors were not given a presidential table they have to fall inline in a buffet so they could eat. And according to the family, the food that they choose with the caterer were not the food that was served and the vegetable menu was lacking, their utensils went missing after the wedding (dunno who took them it is either the visitors or the caterer) and even some of the food were gone quickly when there are only a few visitors. In the end, the caterer refunded an amount brought by unpleasing service.

Film and Video

Added to the fiasco was the video and camera persons hurrying to finish the wedding reception ceremony because they have another engagement in the afternoon but they took their time eating at the reception.

Over-all, it was a successful event despite the mishaps and blunders of people they trust on the dresses, reception and documentation of their wedding.

Update:

After a month, they are able to claim the photos and video taken on my cousins wedding day.  Disappointment of all disappointment the video was of low quality, a pirated DVD is far more clearer than their wedding video.  It looks like the  videographer  doesn’t know his craft,  the video was either zoomed out or the people were cut,  the sound and movements were not sync too. They returned it to the studio but the quality was still the same darker and blurry but it sync now, the video was not just a remembrance of their wedding but also for the groom’s family to see because they were not able to attend their wedding. Maybe they could just day “that’s how its done in Odiongan!”

There was a Christmas Cantata and exchange gift party last night at church, the cantata started early and wasn’t able to watch it from the start since we went to town to buy some stuff. It wasn’t that exciting anyway since it was just the same as last year, the young people sung the same song. The exchange gift party was done after the raffle draw where I bought few tickets and didn’t win even a minor prize.  I received colorful food container from the exchange gift party, it turns out my cousin’s wife picked my name during the raffle of names for exchange gift party.

Today is Sunday and it is Christmas day, most of the people in church were wearing red and the kids are feeling festive. Pastor E’s topic for today is part of the series of “Experience the Miracle of Christmas” which is The Miracle of the Method – from the scriptural verse of Romans 11:33.

Pastor E talks about how God’s method transcend us, His greatness beyond measure and beyond human understanding. He added that God’s method include each one of us, He uses ordinary people to accomplish extra-ordinary things and God’s method sanctify us, God is at work in our lives in ways that we do not and cannot fully comprehend.

After the church service, Pastor E told everyone not to leave since there will be a gifts to be given. The kids were given bag of goodies that consists wafers, biscuits and chocolates. When all of the kids got theirs, Pastor E called the young people to get their goodies I immediately run upfront while calling the attention of my younger cousin who is set to marry in a few days, she was in hesitation maybe because we are too old for the bag of goodies but with an older cousin pushing her upfront she followed me. When I returned, my cousin told me that some people voice out if I am  still a young people because as what they knew I am not anymore and I am already married, so I replied while laughing that the bags of goodies are for my younger sister who’s a member of the young people, she went home ahead because she needs to reheat something.

We prepared a little food to eat on Christmas day so some of of our relatives went to our home after the church service, they didn’t stay longer but I have enjoyed their company that I wasn’t able to feel Christmas blue making this Christmas a bit better than last year, especially with my little cousins visiting.

Well, since my personal photos were stolen from my dead travel blog and posted to other people’s website I started to blur photos with people in them for privacy reason.

A few more days before Christmas and I can already feel Christmas rush around me, the parents were already busy buying new clothes for their kids and gifts for their kids Christmas party. Nothing much, happening around me I am slowly eating by the dark hole again, I have a lot worries, questions and regrets. I am feeling alone…

Anyway,  I have already wrapped gifts for my Godchildren; it was a good thing I found gifts for less than $2 at LazadaPH and for the others I just wrapped some old but new clothes. I think for the first time I bought Christmas gift for my family, I bought a bottle of Kirkland Vitamin B for my mother as her Christmas gift, she’s been skipping taking Vitamin B because the brand she is taking is quite expensive per tablet in our local pharmacy and with my father’s weekly compensation we can’t afford it daily, I bought Kirkland label because I believed Vitamin B is Vitamin B no matter what brand it is.

[Photo courtesy of freestocks.org /pexels.com]

My sister wanted a head phone so when there was a Christmas sale I bought Techno Tamashi TH-780 Over-the-Ear Headphones (Blue) for her and inexpensive red wine for my father, there are gifts for J too if only…

The good thing of shopping online when you have no card you can pay via Cash on Delivery which is good deal for me. What I am saving right now is money to send this Christmas for my maternal grandmother, she lives on her hometown together with my biological grandfather and doesn’t want to live with us because she isn’t familiar with the people and the place.

With the year ending, I hope 2017 will be a good year for me. I hope do miracles happens and I hope it will open more opportunities and work online so I can live life day by day and buy my necessities. Oh well, how can I find work online with my slow internet connection? ☹

Today is my grandfather’s death anniversary and I think it was Cody too! ☹🕯