It’s another day to open my vault of old photos, these pictures we’re memorable because this is the first time that I smiled on the photos when I am growing older.
The first pictures makes me motivated to smile for every photos that will going to be develop because Nanay says I look pretty in picture when I smiled, you know I am not photogenic but a talikod-genic.
This is the real me, boyish type of person and childish. One time I over heard two senior students talking about me that’s when I crossed the hallway by crossing on the cemented terrace without walking on the nearest exit. “Maganda sana yon tomboy naman”
. Hehe, my ears fluffed.
The only thing you are going to notice on most of my photos I am dressed like a girl which is not me in normal days on my jeans and tee-shirts.
Everything change when I am on my third year college, I now dress and act as a lady. I wore lipstick, lip shiner, eye liner and eye make-up. Everyone called me a late bloomer, even asking me who’s my boyfriend. I caught guys attention because I am just going to be surprised when I received text messages from unknown number. I did not take them seriously, there are times that one of my friend will used me to ask one of our classmate to treat as a snack. She will ask him to treat us for snack because I am with them (lol).
One of my cousins was shocked when she saw one of my visitor at home, yup may nanligaw din naman sa akin. Haha, kahit pangit ako guwapo mga nanligaw sa akin (lol). They cannot believed na may guwapong manliligaw sa akin kc nauna sila nagdalaga. Ilong pa lang daw ulam na. Haist
Basta nakakatuwa may nang-aaway pa nga sa akin sa text na girlfriend daw ng guy pero idenideny naman sa akin. Haist ansarap balikan yong pakikipag-away sa text. Joke2! A gay teacher even bumped me and tell me na umamin sa class niya ang isang guwapong student nia na may crush sa akin. Feeling!
Ganon lang, I never had a personal bf until I married kasi sobrang taray ko daw saka laging nakabuntot sa akin mother ko. They even call me mother’s girl but my reply “my mother is Ryanne’s girl
“. Aloof din ako sa guys hindi ako nakikipag-usap sa hindi ko kilala at hindi kasama ang mga friendsters ko. My daily routine too, school and house. My mother did not allow me to attend activities at night or my classmate’s birthday. Swimming with classmates or etc., Sometimes I am able to attend feast or birthday as long as it is celebrated at day time it happens when I went to school and our teacher is not around which my mother didn’t know. My mother know my class schedule, she wrote it on her notebook. (WISE) If I am going to be late for few minutes, machine gun will greet me. (Not a real gun, you know what I mean). Sometimes she will not stop texting my close friend, where am I and what I am doing talagang “mura de pataranta” that sometimes I feel nervous going home.We only had one mobile that time na ayaw pa nga padala sa akin minsan kasi nga dami nagtetext. Yup my mother is super strict, before I did not appreciate it. When I graduated my college and got married I appreciated it so much, because my cousin on my same age get pregnant and married at the age of 18 and did not continue her studies anymore. Some of my friends was not able to graduate because they’re pregnant before graduation came. So if not from my mother I am not here on where I am. Halerr as if general manager ako ah, ano na lang if not to her maybe I did not got a degree.
You know when I became girly the first person who feel happy is my mother. She bought me clothes, lipstick, make-up, high heeled sandals.
Anyway I’ve learned how to do these beauty things from my group of friends because they are all fashionable. Every minute ata nakaretouch. Haist nagamit din yong mga damit na binili ni Nanay, na minsan eh nagdadabog pa ako bakit pang-girl mga binili niya gamit sa akin like bag, sabi ko knapsack. Bilhan ba naman ako ng maliit na girly bag with matching little teddy bear. My mother scold me that time when I told her why she keep buying me girly things, she ask me “Why are you not a girl?
“. Pahiya ako doon ah…
Before I forgot sa time na to, I gained my confidence and feel not rejected anymore. I just observed that I hide my feelings by acting like a tough girl when I am boyish. You know I am afraid to be bullied again, rejected by my peers or classmates.
Right now I am back on what I am because no more friends to influence me to be fashionable, my husband also don’t like me wearing beauty things except lip shiner or light lipstick. He said to me before I went here “if you’re going to wear those purple color on your eye, don’t expect me to walk beside you. I will walk on the other side of the street.
Sometimes my husband telling me to act like a lady/woman because it seems sometimes I am not. It means even I did not wear big t-shirts anymore my boyish thing is still here. My get-up now is still jeans but blouse not tee-shirt.
I don’t know how to drive and we don’t own the two motorcycle, nakikiupo lang. Just sitting!