A new doctor check-up on my mother since today, her second doctor was in Manila and I guess the first one wasn’t around or been busy with other patients. According to the new doctor my mother’s sugar level and uric acid wasn’t too high, his finding my mother maybe had a stroke because of cholesterol, he said that even a person has a lower cholesterol level it can cause a stroke. Her medicine were changed  to tablets already unlike before they were thru IV,  one of her medicine were lowered on dosage.

[Photo courtesy of Pixabay/pexels.com]

We are told that my mother might be discharged tomorrow, my mother requested the sales clerk in the hospital pharmacy to have a partial account of our hospital bill, she was from our barangay so we knew her. The partial amount was quite high, it was almost three months of my father’s monthly wages as a carpenter (his rate is ₱2,100 per week) and we have already spend almost two months of my father’s wages in medicines and other expenses so the bill was like a fortune for us, quite sad too we have no health insurance.

My mother can now sit without being felt dizzy unlike the last few days that she can’t even raise her head although her affected body has still no sensation but she can move her hands and feet already.  She’s recovering quickly isn’t it?

My head is spinning, maybe because lack of sleep, fatigue and not eating on time.  Everyday the doctor handed a new prescription and everyday the prescription bill cost more than a thousand of pesos, my mother’s first laboratory test cost a lot as well and then there are other succeeding test that isn’t free at all. My mother was recovering, she is doing better than her first two days in the hospital that she looks like in a vegetative state. Every day something is improving, she’s able to move her paralyzed body but there isn’t a sensation yet. At first I have thought there was but I guess my mother is confused and high with different medicines injected to her, she became short tempered, emotionally down and stressed with anything, the house, the hospital bills and money no matter how we told her to relax.

On the first few days my mother doesn’t eat anything nor drink, the doctor says it was fine since there is nutrients coming from the drip in her hand. The laboratory tests shows she has high level of sugar, high uric acid and UTI problem that resulted her stroke attack and with this a lot of food was prohibited for her to eat, mainly the food she enjoy so much.

It was hard for us to see her in bed lying and can’t do anything that even a little move required an assistance, my mother was put in a cathether when she can’t pee in the adult diaper, she can pee in the toilet but the problem the public toilet is a little bit far from the room since the room we rented has no private toilet room. The doctor ordered that my mother needs a complete bed rest since when she insisted to go the public toilet of the hospital in a wheelchair she went very tired and exhausted. The doctor says going to the toilet won’t help her recover faster since it is draining her energy.

As day goes by, she is able to drink a little as 20 ml of water.  It was hard at first because she can’t drink or swallow well, we massage her paralyzed body the best we can. She complaint of pain which she can’t point where, it was also difficult for her to sleep especially the first day where she doesn’t want to sleep scared of not waking up anymore.

Medicines are expensive the good thing a few relatives and the church extended financial help to us, we are not expecting it but we are thankful because it helps a lot to us, my father wasn’t able to work and my sister too while my mother is confined in the hospital.

Hospital was our second home for a few days already, my father and I go home in the morning to collect water, do the laundry, cooked food and do other household chores and then we returned during lunch and went home again in the afternoon and went back to the hospital at late afternoon. It was been our routine for several days, it was hard to sleep during the night because we have to monitor my mother’s urine every hour, by draining her catheter and measuring it. I sleep a bit at night and do the task during early morning but I can’t sleep well at all because I was worrying with my mother’s condition.

Anyway, I am not planning to attend church service today but my sister texted that if I want to go to church I just have to make sure that everything is right at home, so I immediately searched for my jeans and went to church with a cloudy mind, lack of sleep and non-stop worrying.

[Image source: mbchiawassee.org]

This Sunday is my father’s birthday and it was exchanged pulpit Sunday which mean different Pastor will do the preaching, the preacher was a woman pastor (Pastor E.F) from sister church, her topic for the day was about “Service That Pleasing the Lord” based on scripture reading Matthew 25: 14-31.

What kind of service pleasing the Lord? According to Pastor E.F, productive service pleases the Lord, a service that is effective and fruitful, God gave us talents and ability for us  to flourish, He expected us to level up. Secondly, passionate service pleases the Lord, it is a service that is burning, committed, eager, excited, enthusiastic, hot and emotional in short it is a service that is from the heart. We should work with love to the Lord, our motivation should be love to glorify God. Thirdly, a faithful service pleases the Lord, it should be close, consistent, devoted, loyal and trustworthy. A faithful servant never retired, he served faithfully as long as he is alive. According to Pastor E.F a good servant acknowledge God as the owner and him as a steward and faithfulness is keeping promises.

It was normal Tuesday morning, I was starting my day surfing the internet looking for some opportunity to earn online when suddenly I head a loud bang in our bathroom, I already knew what happened so I stand immediately before I can hear my mother calling out my name. As expected I found her in the bathroom floor, I immediately took some ice pack to mend her head that was hurt since I was told she hit the wall and then the rest was quick like a lightning bolt after I asked someone who’s buying ice pack to call for help, people came in panic and carry my mother who is already tongue twisted. I don’t know if I should go with them in the hospital or just stay home, I consciously handed the motorcycle key to Pastor E and asked him to let my sister knew what happened to our mother but he waited for me while I am collecting things to bring in the hospital like blankets since pillows were already taken by my older cousin.

I’ve found my mother in an emergency room of a private hospital, she was rushed over there since it was the nearest hospital from our barangay, she is lying in the stretcher being check-up by nurses and a doctor. I was asked several questions like her medical history and etc., It was the first time my mother was brought in the hospital, she was never confined for any reason and never had health tests.  I was asked to sign a paper for admission after the nurses asked my age. I would like to wait for my father but I was told it was needed to be sign right away so my mother will be admitted in the hospital and will be given care.

My sister was already in the hospital since the water station where she is working was just nearby after a cousin in-law notify her, Pastor E and my sister went to my father’s workplace after calling his contractor where he is working that day. My father didn’t immediately went to the hospital I don’t know if it is because of shock because when he left the house my mother’s still doing fine.

My aunt’s and a cousin was in the hospital with us, the hospital asked what room we want to rent, I was given a choice an air conditioner room or a room with just a fan with other patients, I choose the latter since we can’t afford the higher room, well even their cheapest room cost a lot as well, I have heard later that there are also suite room upstairs. My mother was brought in the room, it was hot, no toilet room and very simple then I was given a prescription and the price is shocking for a penniless like me and then I was asked to buy adult diapers since my mother was like in a vegetative state and then another shocking prescription to buy at another pharmacy, good thing Pastor E drove me around.

Then the next day, we are asked if we want the hospital to refer an internal doctor. I have asked first how much does it cost , if it cost a lot we can’t afford it since we have no land to sell anymore and we have no health insurance. I didn’t get a direct reply but I have agreed for the referral since my mother’s health comes first.

Sleep paralysis visited me last night, it feels like I was awake but I am not and as expected I have struggled many times to wake up. It feels like I woke up and then I was back again into sleep state and will struggle again to open my eyes. I felt so ice cold that I am trying to turn off the electric fan and I am trying to reach it out so I could wake up, and when I finally wake up, I was startled why I felt icy cold when it is very warm and hot. Does it mean, my body is already losing its warm and I am already leaving it? Anyway, with the little strength I have I forced myself to wake up and get off the bed, went to the bathroom and wash my face and tried not to sleep again because I don’t know if I could wake up myself again.

[Photo courtesy of Larisa-K/pixabay.com]

Yes, I was so scared to sleep again that I don’t want to close my eyes but due to tiredness I fell asleep and dream. I have seen myself with classmates somewhere, we are holding an umbrella and it wasn’t clear to me if everyone is wearing black. In our back there is a small tiny shack at the foot of the hill, there’s water running, making the ground wet and then my dream hop seeing myself and classmates getting inside our grade 3 classroom but the teacher was different it wasn’t our adviser but another teacher in the same grade. She was very happy and teary eye for us visiting and remembering, she was also thankful to our class president and when I went near our teacher she hardly remember who am I and my dream ended.

In the blink of an eye everything can change. So forgive often and love with all of your heart. You never know when you may  not have that chance again.

When I wake up in the morning I have asked my mother if I am trying to turn off the electric fan because I would like to know if it was a dream or I was really trying to do it. She said yes but I wasn’t satisfied with her answer because I would like to know more of what I did in my sleep state, but as expected they didn’t understand what I had gone through and even gets angry for asking too much details. Nobody is willing to listen, they care less about my story so I told them someone is already dying beside you but they don’t even know and they couldn’t even care.

Oh, should I also mention that the previous night my mother dreamed that I die, someone told her in her dream that I am already dead.

This wasn’t the first time I had sleep paralysis, back in Korea in our old apartment every night or any time I slept in the day I have nightmares and sleep paralysis, I had a sleep deprivation that time because I was too scared to sleep.

Today, is the first Sunday of the month so the service started 7 o’clock in the morning. Pastor E topics is about the “The Call to Discipleship” based on Matthew 4:19 when Jesus invited Peter and Andrew to follow him to be fisher’s of men.

[Photo courtesy of relationaldiscipleship.wordpress.com]

Pastor E encourages the congregation to strengthen their faith and live like Jesus wanted His children to be, to follow Him and live on His words. He also discuss about Jesus invitation to Peter and Andrew,  he said it was not only for them but for everyone. Peter and Andrew followed Jesus without hesitation, they trust and became obedient.

[ Tagged In ] A Blessed Sunday, Church, Church Service, Sunday Service

The other day while I went out to return the broom outside, I saw a woman carrying a baby on her arms. She first went to my aunt store then talk to my cousin’s wife and when she saw us in our porch, she offered a bottle of honey. I have thought of buying honey a few weeks ago so my father could drink calamansi juice with honey to cure his colds and cough but I don’t know where to find a seller and the woman showing in our house with a bottle of honey is an answered prayer. She is selling the bottle of honey for ₱150 about $3.20, we asked her if it was a pure honey and we are told it was and it was the only bottle she got. We could test it we don’t believe her; anyway we bought the bottle of honey without testing.

When my father arrived in the afternoon I have told him that I bought a bottle of honey for ₱150, he said it was too expensive because he thinks my older cousin’s wife was selling bottle of honey for ₱60 ($1.31) only, my older female cousin who was at home seconded but she thought that is cheaper than the amount my father mentioned. Well, I have thought buying it for ₱150 was already a steal since it was hard to get pure honey these days.

Anyway, when they look at bottle of honey I bought they concluded it was pure honey since it was very sticky and dark yellow in color unlike the honey that my older cousin’s wife reselling from the island where she is working it is blunt in color and watery in texture.

My life change dramatically at home since my younger sister was now working. It was like the old days when she was too young to do household chores that I have to do everything. She is the cook in our house, she cooks from the morning into the afternoon but since she’ll be busy now I’ll be doing some of her chores which mean cleaning and being an errand person will not be my only task anymore, I might do the cooking again and took charge charge solely selling ice packs and do some printing when she wasn’t around.

Anyway, we made a temporary dirty kitchen in our old house since we can’t afford to use gas, we used firewood. Yesterday, after I cooked pinangat, I have cleaned the dirty kitchen because it was too cluttered and dirty, my sister cooks but doesn’t know how to clean around, she was told many times but the dirty kitchen always end up in mess and dirt. While I am cleaning someone came to have her document printed so I have to left what I am doing and what is annoying my kitten keeps crying in my foot and when she can’t wait anymore she jump at my body and climb into my shoulder, I didn’t feed them yet since I am still cooking their food and it was still very early in the morning but I guess they’re smelling the fish already.  Prior to that, two of my older cats and the kitten have been disturbing me while cleaning, they keeps following me whenever I go so imagine their foot prints when I just mop the floor.  It feels like I have little kids to care at home. LOL

My sister worked in a water station in town after the old worker left to the city to go to her husband, it doesn’t fit on her degree but it was better than at home doing nothing, she applied in a private bank and took an exam yesterday, I hope she can get the job since the staff needed will be just stationed in town. She took and exam for a social welfare assistant job a few months ago, she was called for interview after passing the qualifying exam but she didn’t showed up since the positioned opened will be in rural islets of our province where she doesn’t know anyone and more importantly my mother doesn’t permit her to work that far but she said she will allowed if it was me. LOL

It’s almost rainy season in the Philippines and it already rained frequently, with sudden change of weather and temperature many people got sick, most of our neighbors has colds and cough. My father is also sick with colds and cough, I already bought two bottles of medicine and a mentholated topical cream for my father, then he is also taking vitamins C and drinking luke warm calamansi juice but but he didn’t get well yet.

[Photo courtesy of Mizianitka/pixabay.com]

So, next month I am planning to have my father do a medical check-up since pulmonary and lung disease is common in a third world country like ours. I hope I could save more money so I could bring my parents to optometrist as well since they’ve been using $1 reading glasses from the street, according to health news in television it doesn’t do any good but make worst of an eye problem even more.  Maybe if I didn’t bought a mobile phone I am able to have this plans materialized right away, I have bought a phone with a high resolution camera so I have a camera to use  on blogging, my DSLR is not getting any better. I have already gave my old phone to my sister but aside from the wifi button being broken, it doesn’t read sim card anymore. She already brought it to a shop that fixed mobiles but she was told they can’t fix it, so my sister just uses it as a camera for her selfies.

Had a weird dream last night, I found myself inside a classroom and an instructor was giving us books in white covered, the books were display up front and we are given a chance to get the book we wanted. I choose and took two books because I was scared that the first book I choose doesn’t have complete pages while the second book I choose was a bit new but has some words written in it from previous owner, it looks like those books were just donated and given to us.

[Photo courtesy of Domas/pixabay.com]

Then I don’t know else what happened next, I found myself outside the classroom and getting into fight with a female classmate, she hit me twice with a book in the head and it feels quite real. Being driven I fought back but since this classmate was known for being a kind type, I was put to humiliation for fighting back. Then I saw myself below a stage in queue, we are going to walk and ramp in the stage, the classmate I have a fight with went ahead first of me and she received applause from the audience and when it was my turn nobody applause’s and it feels like I am being ridiculed for doing something bad, I walk and do turns while in stage and then when I reached the other end, I hide and cried under a long table, I felt bad on how I am treated by many, below the table between sobs I am undressing the shirt I am wearing to wear something new. The floor is full of snow melting and it is a bit cold, I noticed that my bag was on the way when someone older, pretty and popular came, I hid so I won’t get noticed.

[Photo courtesy of rotten77/pixabay.com]

I don’t know how my dream hopped seeing myself in an apartment, it looks like the apartment we had in Icheon with a Japanese sliding door, it was very clean like it was just like an empty room but near the door where am I standing there was large boxes. Someone I knew was cleaning and I was asked to continue doing it… and I wake up with a feeling of discomfort, pain and rejection.