Life had taught me a lot of lessons for thirty four years. I have been broken, I cried and I lost people. I lost more than half of my life, I smiled, and I laugh and give advice's when nobody even asked what I am feeling inside. I portrayed myself as a strong person, when the truth is I am weak.
My friends had been urging me to find someone again; they have been teasing me that I am kind of old already and I am being left behind by younger generation. They said dating me is called a rescue already; they have been always teasing me to someone whom they thought will be a good match which is fun at times, but mostly irritating. Online dating, for then is just a waste of time.
Like normal human being I have crushes too, but my choice of person raised eyebrows and echoed laughter to my friends and workmates. Why? Whom am I attracted too? Oh well, I am attracted to guy who are feminine, yep you read it right and you are not mistaken. The last two people I have crushed with have three things in common their orientation, their intelligence and them being snob, but kind. They are pretty smart at a young age, they excel on their own chosen career, a teacher and a young doctor who is now pursuing further education after resigning as a health officer last year, and he actually made my stay in the office bearable.
Yes, intelligence attracts me first and the look will just follow. People might think, I became abnormal after being hurt, because my choice of person becomes fucked-up. Well, I don’t know I just don’t feel like having someone again, I am tired and it is hard for me to trust people and as I always said to my friends whenever they teased me it is better to be single than in a relationship, I have a lot of freedom to gush over the cute Korean actors and have crushes.
There is only one thing I hate about me, I am being too friendly and caring when I am comfortable with a person, which lead a friend and office mates to tease and misunderstood me. It was also the reason why I am always being hurt; I love and make friends so deeply. When my group of friends were not too busy at work and not dating yet, we have all the time in the world to talk in messenger, teasing and making fun of each other, but when pandemic and changes occurred I was left alone and boredom eats me, as my other group of friends were also busy raising their kids, they mostly talked about motherhood stories and their kids milestones, I still have single friends and we do talk at times loving the singleness and hating men, hahaha just kidding!
Where do I belong now? Should I just let myself eaten by the darkness together with the spooky stories I enjoyed reading or just be contented seeing those black and white shadows lurking around me? Anyway, one thing is for sure I am too needy and clingy that I forgot other people’s privacy!
0 comments:
Post a Comment