The black hole ate me again last night so I asked my mother and sister to drive me to town, I felt a little better when I feel the air touching my face and head, if only air could carry my burdens away from me it would be nicer. We made a little grocery shopping but I didn't stay longer inside the store, I went out immediately upon hearing a Christmas song inside because I can't stop my tears from coming out, the music was so magical, it was very merry but I am dying inside.
Anyway, I went to church today. It was been a long time since I attend a church service. I didn't go to church since I came home to Philippines which is already over a year ago which is so wrong because I have a lot of things to be thankful for. I forgot a lot of things, I became very comfortable with my life, I forgot to pray and open my bible which I always did before. I wandered and I became lost, I became overwhelmed and drunk with the material world. I have been wanting to go to church but I was so embarrassed to do it alone maybe because I felt like I can still go on with my life and take some steps forward. But lately, I can't do it anymore. I can't walked anymore, I am very tired already and would like to rest, so I surrendered all my pain and burden inside my heart to God.
The church was just in our neighborhood just right beside us so we could hear everything from praise and worship, to the message and prayers. Last Sunday there are some testimonies about God faithfulness, I have heard someone shared that she knew that she didn't pass a board exam so she would remember being a Christian and to remember God, because once we became comfortable with life we forgot to praise and say thank you to Him. It hits me deeply, it was just like me. I forgot to say thank you and I forgot to pray for a long period of time, it was recently that I learned again to call Him. I became a bad child and now He is waking me up and calling me so I will remember Him, I will remember God's faithfulness.
So today I went to church, I wake up early because the service will start very early since it was the first Sunday of the month. Before going into church I bought candies in the store and my aunt was surprised when I told her I am going to church after she asked where am I heading to.
It was heartwarming to be inside the church again, singing "Amazing Grace" made me teary. The message I heard today is about mission, and this would be the topic for the whole month of October, the last Sunday of the month will be celebrated as Wider Mission Sunday. I would like to write down some notes but I forgot to bring a pen with me and I just remember at home that I should instead record the message in my phone rather than looking for a pen. If I remember it right, the people/church has a mission but they have two choose either to be a good Christian who shared or just to remain a Christian who doesn't do anything.
There is a church hopping after the service but I didn't go to it anymore even my aunt invited me to do it, in church hopping we have to attend another Sunday service into another church.
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