Today is thanksgiving Sunday and the church is well decorated than normal. There are blue and yellow balloons used as decor and the thanksgiving offerings by thankful members where displayed in the pulpit, there are more people today too.
The scriptural topic is on Psalms 103: 1-5 which is Thanksgiving: Counting our Blessings. Most of us forgot how to be thankful, we forgot to count all the blessings we received every day because we have been busy counting the things we don’t have and we have been busy complaining. When my world collapses, I forgot how to be thankful, I forgot to look around me and I forgot how to be positive in life. All I know, it was so dark and I was so unlucky, so jinx and it was so painful. I lost the reason to live and to continue with life. I felt so alone, unloved, undesirable, ashamed, unworthy and so useless. I felt so depressed, pitiful, so pathetic; it feels like I was a very bad person who does not deserve to live. There are times I have asked, why is it me? What sin did I commit to deserve all these pain? There are people who are worse than me, there are people who aren’t even honest and faithful but they found forever and are happy. Yes, on my darkest moments I often compare myself to others, their happiness hits like a knife in my chest and darts stabbing in my eyes. I felt so pitiful and it is so envious, they’re happy and I am so damn pathetic. It is so horribly unfair, so heart wrenching.
When I felt very hopeless and empty, I found myself seeking for God's comfort, asking for guidance and a sign of hope, when God answered I learned the way back to my old positive self, I learned to look around me and appreciate all the blessings that are coming. I learned to have faith, to trust that there is something good bound to happen in the future, that there is still tomorrow for me because everything in this life is temporary. I maybe not going to find forever anymore and I will maybe forever be alone but that’s life, we cannot have everything.
Well, it is true, anyone of us can travel the whole world but without a family to go home and someone to share stories with, the trip is meaningless and empty because money cannot buy genuine happiness, happiness does not come from objects, and money, true happiness lies within your heart and with the people you love. Happiness is spending time with the people that you love and care about and it is right there is no place like home, and there is no person like family so one of the things I have to be really thankful right now is I am alive, there are other women who are not able to come home safely.
Well, it is true too that I am struggling today, I am still broken and unfixed but I cannot be forever in the bottom, and you cannot be forever happy too. Life is like a wheel after all!
Anyway, I don't want to talked more of my private life. Just remember, there are many reasons for us to be thankful but being thankful isn’t enough if we don’t know whom to be abundantly, cheerfully and generously be thankful with. We should be thankful first to God, the initiator of all things then to our love ones, brother and sister’s in Christ. God take us out from the darkness and brought us to light. We should be thankful that through prayer we are able to talk with Him and tell our frustrations, failures and problems in life. I always find peace and hope after praying, I am always given courage to live when I pray.
We must remember to be thankful in grateful way, by making a joyful noise by praising and worshiping Him, by giving back the blessings we received every day and by sharing to others.
Happy Thanksgiving and if you are happy right now, enjoy it. Savor the flavor as it says because it might not last because life on this earth is just temporary, we only have borrowed time! So please stop parading your happiness in front of me, just be thankful you are not in my situation, you don't need to remind me that you are lucky and I am unlucky. - from the envious me! :)
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