It was been raining hard these past two days and last night was no different. In the middle of my sleep I was visited of the same dream again, the same, because the dream was familiar and I knew that it wasn\’t the first time I have dreamed of it.

The dream was about me and my friends who are my coworker in this life, we sailed through a wooden boat and it was capsized and me doesn\’t know how to swim drowned, but I was very peaceful when I drowned, I didn\’t struggle to live nor to breath, I just accepted it was already my end.

[Photo courtesy of Engin Akyurt/pexels.com]

To dream of dying wasn\’t new to me, I dreamed of it once and I thought I have wrote that dream, but perhaps I didn\’t because I can\’t find it.

On that dream, I am a man lying in the hospital bed surrounded by my wife and two children, I was dying and gasping for air, but everything was very peaceful, that dream was very realistic because I can feel it until I woke up from the dream.

The realization hits me that my dreams about me dying were my past life, I have been trying to do past life regressions these past few months, but I keep jumping back to the present, but there are two new things I saw when I did the regression.

First, it was very dark and all of a sudden a bomb exploded and the only thing I saw was a baby wrap in a pink blanket thrown into the air cause by the explosion, second was seeing a fire camp, it was dark ages, I am black knight I guess, now I understand why I am so interested with the dark ages when I am in secondary grade, I was too excited learning about that age or era.

Every night I always had a dream but most of the time I forgot what is it after going to the bathroom to pee.  I have been blogging my dreams but due to intermittent connection I didn\’t bother documenting it again.

Anyway, since I was young I knew I was an old soul.  I knew I was born before but I just don\’t know when and how I live my life and how many times I was born. When I met an accident when I was young, I was hit and run-over by motorcycle I have recollection on how I live my life as a kid, it was like they were flashback right on my eyes and then all I remember I was going down in a spiral and I woke up asking for a water.  I have never told anyone about it because I have thought it was normal.

Moreover, I always have recurring dream of being in a familiar place when in reality I have never been there and I can\’t remember the place in my dream. I have dreamed often too being a child living in a different planet,  I see fires, burning city, flying metal objects just like how the city in Jean Claude Van Damme\’s movie Universal Soldier I didn\’t think about it that much maybe because it was just created by my brain when I was asleep.

Growing up, I enjoyed reading mystery, horror and metaphysical stories. I am fascinated with the theory of reincarnation, I can spend my whole day reading stories about it, lately I have been reading new stories again. It was been my long wish to do past life regression but I just don\’t know how to find people that could help me with it.  I search about how to do it alone and last night before going to sleep when everything is silent I tried to do it, it was hard for me to concentrate because it is either my hand felt itchy or my foot does,  after trying so hard I saw a vision, I have seen a yellow flower in a vase in a door to the balcony (maybe that\’s why I prefer yellow flower than the red ones), dark dirty water seeing it from below, a hospital bed then I felt anxious so I went out the imaginary door and rest  to an imaginary chair.  When I went in the door again,  I saw a train coming, I have heard its sound, I am in a station, it wasn\’t the present era, it was in sepia, the train looks like running through a steam engine there was a lot of people rushing I was feeling frantic because I couldn\’t see myself, I want to see myself on this period and then I saw a beautiful sophisticated woman wearing sophisticated black dress with a black hat just like how Audrey Hepburn was, she has pearl earrings and she was very beautiful white female like a celebrity, then my vision hop seeing an Asian small old man sitting at the corner of his hospital bed, he is wearing a hospital pajama and as if he is waiting for someone, a visit from family maybe but there was a thought that he is all alone then I came back feeling tired and empty, I fell asleep instantly.

[Photo courtesy of Hoang Le/pexels.com]

There are times there are familiar people in my dreams but in reality they are not existing in my present world and there are times there are people I know in my present life but they have different face in my dream.

Fear of Snake

I am very afraid of snake just imagining it getting near me I cringe. Not so long ago I dreamed of being a beautiful woman with a long black hair with an olive skin living in a tribe wearing a traditional tribal clothing adorned with stones or bones in my forehead, neck and clothing. It feels like I am about to marry a chieftain or son of a chieftain but I don\’t know what happened, the woman in my tribe standing next to me is jealous of me, in present life she is an older cousin. On that dream I saw myself and her lying in a bed made of hay and a black snake was crawling underneath and black out, I woke up with a fear like there was a snake in my bed. It was like we are executed by a snake bite or we are chosen through a snake… ah dunno what is it!

Fascinated with the Sea

Since I was a child I am fascinated seeing the sea, I always wish that the jeep I rode every afternoon to home will traverse the road near the sea, I felt ecstatic and happy seeing the sea but the truth was I don\’t know how to swim and I never learned how to do it no matter how I tried. I am also afraid going to the deep part of the sea I guess it has connection of me seeing a dark dirty water last night, maybe on my previous life I drowned at the sea or in a pond. What is interesting when I was sixteen years of age I almost drowned with my classmate in a river.

I have read from other story tellers that there are times things happened like they happened in the past, so I guess I died from drowning when I was sixteen years old on my past life. What do you think?

Familiarity with the Jantar Mantar

When J and I went to India, specifically  in Jaipur (Jantar Mantar) I frantically told him \”I have been here, I saw this already!\” when it was the first of me seeing it. I cannot recall seeing it in movies nor in photo, I have remember myself walking around the Sundials climbing with one of them to see the stars. When we are in India, I am always mistaken a local of the country.

Out of Tuned Music

Many people who knew me knows that I don\’t know how to sing, I am out of tuned but there is part of me who believes that on my past life I was a good singer but I cursed it, I wonder if it has relation to the beautiful woman in the train station.

Hospital and Balcony

Growing up I am scared of going to a hospital, furthermore meeting a doctor alone.  I was also scared of heights and looking over a balcony, when I was in grade school I remember how I felt sick looking down from the third floor and I also remember how I felt cold feet every time I look down below the balcony of J\’s apartment in Korea, I was scared of falling and I always felt like throwing up whenever I looked down I guess it has to do with the balcony and the old man I saw in his hospital pajama, did I committed suicide at a balcony on that life?

I have a lot of questions and I wonder how many lives did I live, which of my dreams are true and are all of my visions are real?  It was said your birthmarks was the cause of your death on your past life, I have one in my forehead and there is something at the back of my head and I have a birthmark in the right side of my body too… I sometimes wonder if these are bullet or arrows point of entry.

Whenever I dreamed during the night I tend to forget that dream in the morning, that\’s why I seldom wrote and blog about dreams in this blog. My dream last night was so vivid that I am able to remember it,  I found myself in a distant neighbor\’s house which is also a distant relative, it looks like it wasn\’t only me who was there.  There are other women from the church in the house, but I have arrived late so I was left outside. Instead of following them through the wooden door, I was left outside wandering about the relative\’s house, it looks so small but it is quite big with a lot of rooms made of glass, that no matter which side I go and look, all I can see were glass doors and rooms. Since the room is made of glass, I can literally see what is inside the room, but one room is very particular in my dream where I have seen what is inside, decors, bed and the bedding,  saw it twice while wondering how is it possible for a small house to have  a lot of room.

[Photo courtesy of Masson-Wintergarten/pixabay.com]

Then my dream hopped seeing myself cooking on a large wok in the fire wood stove, it looks like I am still in the relative\’s yard, backyard, presumably and I am cooking for  the women inside the house, then suddenly a cousin wearing a sad face came and sat in the vacant chair, I have asked him something, like if the people inside the house were not finished yet.

[Photo courtesy of Trinck/pixabay.com]

My dream hopped again, seeing myself in the street just above a stone stairs (it looks like I am going to the house under the street/stairs), talking to an Uncle wearing a yellow shirt. In my dream I am telling myself that his wife, my aunt already passed away, as I look down the stairs I saw a yellow poop. I was told by my uncle that another uncle had collapsed and lost consciousness because of stroke and my dream ended as I woke up feeling so cold.

Mornings should make us refresh and energize but I am not feeling that way three days in a row, I woke up feeling sick, tired and have puffy eyes today , I have a dream again last night and as usual I have forgot what is all about after getting up, I have remember it when I suddenly woke up but when I return to bed and sleep and then wake up again to start my day, I can\’t remember anymore what was my dream last night aside from a white shirt, people wearing white shirt, my dream the previous night was all about leaves/trees but I can\’t really remember the story, the first night was I already don\’t know, hahaha.

[Photo courtesy of Free-Photos/pixabay.com]

Well, I guess I should write down my dreams before going back to sleep so I won\’t forget it in the morning. What I hate when I dreamed at night was I felt so tired waking up that as if my soul is wandered the whole night.  I have read that \”waking up exhausted after many disturbing dreams is a common experience for many depressed people\”. LMAO, does it mean I am depressed? And does it mean, when I dreamed every night last year I was too depressed, I was just so procrastinated to write about my dreams those times because I forgot them after doing house hold chores. I have only stop dreaming early this year, which mean my mind was already at peace and my dreams started again to visit me every night, I think I need to eat more ice cream, huh?

Anyway, was feeling blue last night while washing pet dishes. I have remember my grandmother and I suddenly missed her, the thought of she is not around anymore made me sad and before tears fall down my eyes, a leaping frog hops towards me and I  knew it already, my grandmother doesn\’t want me to feel sad and blue.

These past few days, I spend most of my time reading true ghost stories and sleeping, yep, I am back to my old habit of reading supernatural stories and reading my day to day horoscope. I have been away for a few months, so I was overwhelmed of many stories to read online. To those who don\’t know me yet, my likes are contradicting to each other. I believe in compassion and caring with other people, but I love mystery thriller/suspense and dark themes in movies/books. I have a different mindset and I have sensitivity in me, I can feel other people\’s emotions and it is killing me because it seems I can read a bit what is on their mind or feel their emotions at that moment, I think it was one of the reasons why I have social anxiety.

[Photo courtesy of freeGraphicToday/pixabay.com]

Hence, I already knew what other people\’s feeling before they can even speak and to those who know me well, they knew that I seldom stay still, be serious and looked into people faces when conversing because I knew when they are impress or not despite their smiling faces, which actually most of the time irritates my family, they asked me to stop  doing it, which is I am trying to do recently, part of it I think is being shy and not being confident.

Honestly, there are times I can foresee things without knowing it, before J and I parted ways. I have already feel what would happen and what is the six months of travel all about, he actually got pissed off of me taking a lot of photos a few hours before our departing flight, even saying, I act weird that as if we are not going to see each other anymore, and yep we didn\’t anymore.

[Photo courtesy of Stergo/pixabay.com]

Just like what happened a few days ago, I have already felt it (me being restless) and I already expected what will happen, but I resisted and waited for a friend to speak up. Anyway, I woke up in a wrong side of bed today where the black hole is eating me up again. It was like I went back to my old self feeling blue, but when I accidentally got a long cut in my upper arm early in the morning from a protruding wire, I have returned into my senses that I am still alive and my cut is painful. 😭

Today, I am trying to do some focus and do some blogging chores I have not been doing since I live in my made-up world.  You know what, I wished, I can tell everyone that there are just times I don\’t feel like talking or responding to messages, which is rude to other people, but this is me finding solitude and peace within myself (re: my unread and not responded messages/comments from friends and tourism classmates).

[Photo courtesy of Free-Photos/pixabay.com]

Well, RBM will do some falls hunting out of town on Sunday, but unfortunately I can\’t go with them because it is Thanksgiving Sunday on November 25th, priorities matters and don\’t know if I can do some hiking again when I have class schedule on weekends too.