It is the new year, I have told my sister that I will start losing weight this year. She chuckled and said, you will gain more weight, it is year of the pig! (lol).

The class has resumed yesterday, I have been busy these past few days making  assignments and between making an assignment, I am tweaking my WordPress Themes in this blog, as you can notice my theme is now a bit smaller, I have removed the other sidebar to make my blog mobile-friendly.  The first assignment was given before the holiday vacation, but I just work with it. Blame it to my mañana habit or to my procrastinating self, I have enjoyed the holiday slacking off at home, sleeping and reading lots of things, well I think even my friends at school did the same.

[Photo courtesy of StartupStockPhotos/pixabay.com]

It was a good thing we had no class yesterday, we are just told to submit our assignment and we can go home and that’s where a friend had asked me if I have already heard what had happened to one of our friends, it turns out a scandal broke online which I am not aware because I abstained from using social media these past few days.  I was shocked, in-disbelief, sad on what I have heard. I can’t imagine my friend’s pain and depression, I have sent her messages and told her to be strong, not to overthink and I am just around if she needs someone to talk with, but she remained silent, send short responses and sorry, she might not be ready yet to face the world. It was also this time of the year when I deactivated my Facebook years ago and it was also time of the year when her world turn gray and dull, that shocked all of us, it is ironic that when I am not around online in social media something depressing happened to her.

I was sad because I have told her many times to find a nice guy, and not to pick someone like picking a hammer that she will use to hit her own head at the end, to find a guy that will be able to accept her and her kids, someone free and no attachment, but I guess she didn’t listen. I hope she will remain strong for her kids and family and I hope she will be able to talk to us freely one day and be able to smile and laugh again.

The clan held a year end party in the new year, this is my second time to attend it and I think it is the 3rd or 4th time it was done, it was rushed decision actually. It was just decided on Christmas day and a family meeting was made in the 27th to finalize it, after the practiced of the wedding entourage for my aunt’s golden wedding celebration.

The year end program didn’t start early because there was  a New Year’s service at church which I have attended, but even if the service was finished the program didn’t start right away since most of the members of the clans are not around yet, they are still taking their time off at their homes.

[Photo courtesy of readersfusion.com]

As expected, the program started late and it was not properly prepared. The kids have an intermission number, literally they were just asked to dance by following what’s on the screen and the adults were requested to have one as well, an aunt and two cousins did it to everyone’s laughter, afterwards there was nothing else to do so games followed, I hosted three games after an older cousin hosted one, I have to encourage them big time to participate, then exchange gifts and then dinner follows.

Everyone was almost finished eating when 12 o’clock strikes, my young cousins had fun playing with fire crackers, sky rockets and fireworks, then someone in the village had a firework display to everyone’s excitement. Then everyone started to go home when one o’clock in the morning came, there are few who are left who sing videoke and karaoke.  My sister, few of my cousins and I were left, my sister and I cannot sleep yet because our sound system were outside, they were the one used for the clan’s year end party.

It was almost four o’clock in the morning when I finally able to sleep, and after 2 hours and half, I am already awake to start my first day of 2019.

Went to church on New Years eve and then went home and sleep, we have no preparation for the New Year. My sister wake me up when 12 o’clock strikes in the clock so I could see few fireworks in the sky, there’s not much then it is drizzling. The night is very silent, my father fired eight pieces of “kwitis” then when they’re all fired up, I went down and sleep again.

It’s New Year and most people sleep late but the church service started very early because it is first Sunday of the month. Pastor opened his preaching for the day by asking if we are pessimist or optimist.  Looking back, I am always an optimistic person, I always look at the bright side and I always find good reason in every situation, like why a flight has been cancelled or delayed, that life is more important than money and so on… then my light dies… I became pessimistic and expect worst in every thing, I became hopeless…

Anyway, the scriptural scripture this Sunday is from Ephesians 5: 15-17. Pastor reminded everyone to watch our step because sometimes we are guilty of living too fast, to redeem our time and make most of every opportunity and do God’s will.

Pastor E shared a lot of inspiring verses from the bible after the preaching proper like Let not your heart be troubled.” (John 14:1 KJV),  “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you” (Deuteronomy 31:6) and other verses that were strong enough to pacify a hopeless and weary heart.

Since I went to church early without eating anything I decided to have a sip of coffee, ate bread  and peanut butter after church and while I am eating an aunt called and invited us to their house to eat, was told that some of our relatives were there eating.  I am already full but we don’t want to disappoint our aunt so my sister and I went to their home which is now owned by her son. Well, they have plenty of preparation for the new year,  there was a lot of food to eat.

New Year, New Hope that’s what I always heard and read but is it really true or just a false belief invented for people on their wit ends?

Nothing much happening around, I am just staying home watching movies and sleeping without even finishing them and doing some small chores at home. I can’t do heavy work since my chest became so painful when I carry heavy loads; I’ve work hard a few weeks ago and I almost end up being bed ridden. It hurt so much; it feels like some concrete blocks were put in top of my chest, I think I need to see a doctor soon since my back is bothering me too; maybe I already have scoliosis from carrying heavy bags in my back, but my worst thought the lump is getting bigger and affecting some of my nerves already. I was initially planning of saving money little by little so I can see a doctor and have an operation since my parents can’t afford it but blogging isn’t getting any better so I guess I will endure the pain during my entire lifetime.

[Image source: cheneselewis.com]

More bloggers already stopped blogging because there aren’t more opportunities online and maintaining domains is becoming costly since Goddady removes the discount codes on domain renewals, then bloggers have to pay hosting fee which is also expensive since it cost a few hundred dollars per year or depending on the type of hosting account. Well, like some of the bloggers I know most of my blogs too were prone to deletion this year because I can’t continue my domain and hosting subscription anymore. I was thinking if I should continue maintaining this blog because I will not always be online anymore too since internet load is getting expensive without stable earning online.

Well, I just heard from the neighborhood that the water station is selling their water almost half the price than the re-sellers are selling them, no wonder why a lot of re-sellers like us already stop reselling. I can’t understand how these people are thinking, I have heard from a grapevine before the year ends that someone will also resell beauty products and what is worst they will display them where people in the street can see them (maybe they will built a shop) and if it happens were dead, another source of income will be gone. Yes, it isn’t that strong but it helps a little especially my father has no job; honestly I don’t know what these people feeling towards us because they seems to copy what we started.

In short, 2015 wasn’t a good a year for me, it was the year my light dies and then more unfortunate lucks came, less opportunities online, copycats and my father having no job. Sometimes I am coming to the point of giving up and just sleep forever. So 2016 be kind to me please, don’t give me reason to cry this year I am tired of already that I may not be able to reach 2017 anymore if you will also be bad to me.

There is New Year’s Eve service last night so I went to the church to attend it, getting inside the church there are some young people giving white candles and a small piece of white paper to people coming in.

The service consists of three different reflection and meditation for the past year, it started by turning out all the lights inside the church and lighting up a large candle and then passing the light and lighting up the candles that were given to everyone.  Our Pastor’s wife then read a passage from the bible from the book of Matthew 5: 14 and then everyone was asked how are light shone the past year, when does our light dies and when does it shine. Everyone was encourage to shine and continue passing the light to others.

The next reflection and meditation was all about forgiveness, it was leaded my Ms. E she was the preacher the previous Sunday. The reflection was from the book of Jeremiah 9: 26-28 which tells the story about how the Isralites meet in the temple to confess, it was told that when the status of their living is good they tend to forgot God so God punishes them by giving them trials and problems and that’s where they cry out to God and God put them in a right direction. I was just like the Isralites I have forgot God when my life is good, when everything was fine and I only remember Him when my life crumbles, when I became hopeless so I guess the hurt, the pain was my punishment from God for being forgetful, He simply reminds me that I am going in a wrong direction.

[Image source: christiancarguy.com]

God forgives and forgiveness comes when we confess, forgiveness is out of compassion. Ms. E says we cannot forgive when we don’t have compassion; forgiveness is a mission so she told everyone to forgive as the Lord forgives because we are not perfect and we all commit mistakes.

Then our pastor asked everyone to take-out the piece of small paper that were given to us and then everyone was asked to imagine writing all the things we want to ask for forgiveness in one side and on the other side the people we want to forgive, and then we are asked to go to the altar to bury the white paper in the sand and then we are told not to dig them anymore, to forget the past and not bring them in the present.

[Image source: kikiramsey.com]

The last reflection and meditation was about the solid rock in Joshua 4:1-9, God is the solid rock; He is the strong foundation, our hiding place and home.  Our pastor told everyone that in every task that the Isralites completed they built memorial to serve as reminder of God’s faithfulness, and for the knowledge of the new generation then everyone was asked to picked a stone in the altar, and utter a prayer and wish to God what do we want this coming year and the stone we choose will serve as a memoir.

A year has ended and a new year came, some people are celebrating today and some are grieving. I was cleaning my toe nails at home when someone call my name from the outside, I don’t need to stand to see who it was because the visitor was already right in our door, it was my college friend and classmate who went home in our town to celebrate the holidays, we lived in one barangay.

Apparently, they’re looking for ice packs but unfortunately our ice packs are all sold out, she stayed a bit and from her I have heard the bad news about what happened to a friend’s husband (E) one day after Christmas.  I was really shocked because it was my first time hearing about it that made her wonder on why I didn’t see it on Facebook, unknown to everybody I have deactivated my account on the said social network since I can’t stand happy updates from online friends.  I forgot my manners to offer her a chair because my mind was preoccupied on what had happened to my friend’s husband, it was only almost a week ago when a schoolmate asked for my number because this friend  (E) is asking for it but since I have no mobile phone I wasn’t able to hand over my number.

E is my classmate and friend since grade school until college, we are not too close but we are not too distant since she has other group of friends in the classroom and I have mine too, she treated me snacks when I am empty handed, I’ve been to their home many times, I ate lunch on their home a few times, our parents know each other so I guess we might not be the best of friends but we are friends beyond definition.

The news is depressing but like what I have learned through my journey there is no permanent thing in this world.  We are all by passers and someday our time to go will come… stay strong E… [insert personal message].