At the church tonight, as I listened to three young people singing #FindUsFaithful, I was transported back to when I was 20. I remembered sitting in church on New Year’s Eve, hopeful and wondering what my future would hold. The memory stirred something deep within me, and I almost cried, realizing how much of my life I feel I’ve wasted. I’ve wasted so much time. I’ve let opportunities slip away, made mistakes, and taken paths I never imagined I would. This life I’m living now isn’t what I dreamed of; it’s not what I envisioned for myself at this age. There’s a deep sense of longing for the “what could have been,” and it’s hard not to feel the weight of regret. But even amid this reflection, I’ve always held on to the belief that everything happens for a reason. Life doesn’t always go as planned, but perhaps it’s unfolding exactly as it should. Every twist, turn, and detour has brought me to this moment, and maybe that’s where I need to be. We meet people for a purpose—each encounter is part of a greater plan. Sometimes, I wonder why we don’t meet certain people earlier when circumstances seemed perfect. But then I realized: that timing is everything. We meet people when we’re meant to, not when we think we should.

Tonight’s sermon felt like a message straight from God. It was about leaving the past behind, about letting go of regrets and not allowing them to hold us back. It was as if God was speaking directly to me, urging me to stop looking back and start looking forward to what He has in store. He reminded me that He has a plan for me—a plan filled with hope, love, and purpose. Though the journey hasn’t been what I expected, I’m choosing to trust that God knows better than I do. I’m learning to let go of the weight of the past, embrace the present, and look forward with faith to the beautiful future He has prepared for me.

It is the new year, I have told my sister that I will start losing weight this year. She chuckled and said, you will gain more weight, it is year of the pig! (lol).

The class has resumed yesterday, I have been busy these past few days making  assignments and between making an assignment, I am tweaking my WordPress Themes in this blog, as you can notice my theme is now a bit smaller, I have removed the other sidebar to make my blog mobile-friendly.  The first assignment was given before the holiday vacation, but I just work with it. Blame it to my mañana habit or to my procrastinating self, I have enjoyed the holiday slacking off at home, sleeping and reading lots of things, well I think even my friends at school did the same.

[Photo courtesy of StartupStockPhotos/pixabay.com]

It was a good thing we had no class yesterday, we are just told to submit our assignment and we can go home and that’s where a friend had asked me if I have already heard what had happened to one of our friends, it turns out a scandal broke online which I am not aware because I abstained from using social media these past few days.  I was shocked, in-disbelief, sad on what I have heard. I can’t imagine my friend’s pain and depression, I have sent her messages and told her to be strong, not to overthink and I am just around if she needs someone to talk with, but she remained silent, send short responses and sorry, she might not be ready yet to face the world. It was also this time of the year when I deactivated my Facebook years ago and it was also time of the year when her world turn gray and dull, that shocked all of us, it is ironic that when I am not around online in social media something depressing happened to her.

I was sad because I have told her many times to find a nice guy, and not to pick someone like picking a hammer that she will use to hit her own head at the end, to find a guy that will be able to accept her and her kids, someone free and no attachment, but I guess she didn’t listen. I hope she will remain strong for her kids and family and I hope she will be able to talk to us freely one day and be able to smile and laugh again.

The clan held a year end party in the new year, this is my second time to attend it and I think it is the 3rd or 4th time it was done, it was rushed decision actually. It was just decided on Christmas day and a family meeting was made in the 27th to finalize it, after the practiced of the wedding entourage for my aunt’s golden wedding celebration.

The year end program didn’t start early because there was  a New Year’s service at church which I have attended, but even if the service was finished the program didn’t start right away since most of the members of the clans are not around yet, they are still taking their time off at their homes.

[Photo courtesy of readersfusion.com]

As expected, the program started late and it was not properly prepared. The kids have an intermission number, literally they were just asked to dance by following what’s on the screen and the adults were requested to have one as well, an aunt and two cousins did it to everyone’s laughter, afterwards there was nothing else to do so games followed, I hosted three games after an older cousin hosted one, I have to encourage them big time to participate, then exchange gifts and then dinner follows.

Everyone was almost finished eating when 12 o’clock strikes, my young cousins had fun playing with fire crackers, sky rockets and fireworks, then someone in the village had a firework display to everyone’s excitement. Then everyone started to go home when one o’clock in the morning came, there are few who are left who sing videoke and karaoke.  My sister, few of my cousins and I were left, my sister and I cannot sleep yet because our sound system were outside, they were the one used for the clan’s year end party.

It was almost four o’clock in the morning when I finally able to sleep, and after 2 hours and half, I am already awake to start my first day of 2019.