Sleep paralysis visited me last night, it feels like I was awake but I am not and as expected I have struggled many times to wake up. It feels like I woke up and then I was back again into sleep state and will struggle again to open my eyes. I felt so ice cold that I am trying to turn off the electric fan and I am trying to reach it out so I could wake up, and when I finally wake up, I was startled why I felt icy cold when it is very warm and hot. Does it mean, my body is already losing its warm and I am already leaving it? Anyway, with the little strength I have I forced myself to wake up and get off the bed, went to the bathroom and wash my face and tried not to sleep again because I don’t know if I could wake up myself again.

[Photo courtesy of Larisa-K/pixabay.com]

Yes, I was so scared to sleep again that I don’t want to close my eyes but due to tiredness I fell asleep and dream. I have seen myself with classmates somewhere, we are holding an umbrella and it wasn’t clear to me if everyone is wearing black. In our back there is a small tiny shack at the foot of the hill, there’s water running, making the ground wet and then my dream hop seeing myself and classmates getting inside our grade 3 classroom but the teacher was different it wasn’t our adviser but another teacher in the same grade. She was very happy and teary eye for us visiting and remembering, she was also thankful to our class president and when I went near our teacher she hardly remember who am I and my dream ended.

In the blink of an eye everything can change. So forgive often and love with all of your heart. You never know when you may  not have that chance again.

When I wake up in the morning I have asked my mother if I am trying to turn off the electric fan because I would like to know if it was a dream or I was really trying to do it. She said yes but I wasn’t satisfied with her answer because I would like to know more of what I did in my sleep state, but as expected they didn’t understand what I had gone through and even gets angry for asking too much details. Nobody is willing to listen, they care less about my story so I told them someone is already dying beside you but they don’t even know and they couldn’t even care.

Oh, should I also mention that the previous night my mother dreamed that I die, someone told her in her dream that I am already dead.

This wasn’t the first time I had sleep paralysis, back in Korea in our old apartment every night or any time I slept in the day I have nightmares and sleep paralysis, I had a sleep deprivation that time because I was too scared to sleep.

Just wake up two hours ago I am feeling sleepy this two successive days, Pookie Bear scheduled has changed because of the winter season so he wakes up early to go to school for an early class which I am not used too. So when he go to school, I went back to bed and sleep. And I am thankful I can sleep, if you doesn’t know I have a little phobia sleeping alone in our apartment during noon time because I always had a nightmare. So since then I don’t sleep alone when Pookie bear is at school but today I can sleep even though I am still dreaming but not that bad anymore that I can’t breath. The other day I was wake up by neighbors coming downstairs, today I was wake up by the water coming down the apartment maybe the other occupants in the second or third floor is washing their clothes anyway when I wake up my body is sore as well as my eyes.

[Photo courtesy of pixabay/pexels.com]

I think it depends on the position of our bed, because it also happened before in Seoul but when we changed the bed position I seldom had a nightmare anymore and same here too since we transfer the bed. (Typing this I heard knocks on our door, every time I head knocks I feel afraid and nervous). I think I am being pathetic.

Anyway back to dreaming, there are times I am dreaming and maybe I am already having a nightmare where I am speaking in the middle of the night or grasping for my breath and crying, my room mate I mean Pookie won’t bother waking me up. He would just ask me in the morning if I am dreaming because I sounds weird. Lol! The other morning was the funny thing, I think I am dreaming and in my dream I am raising my hand to hit someone or something (I can’t remember it fully) but I was get awaken when I finally hit that someone which is no other than Pookie bear I hit him in the head into his surprised. He both get awaken dunno why I am raising my hand…hahaha