Today, will be my fourth day in Tarlac.  A lot of things have changed in these four days, I think I have lived a good life way back in Odiongan, where all I have to do is clean, washed my own clothes, water the orchids and look after my pets.

Right now, I have to do many things, I have to clean, cooked, washed, fetch water in a deep well, look after my grandma and etc. I can’t even enjoy a cup of coffee in the morning today, nor have a good night’s sleep, the moment I woke up, I have to keep moving until lunch, rested a bit and prepare for dinner. I am not complaining, I am just overwhelmed hence it returns me to the old days, when my younger sister is too young to do anything at home.

Guess what? I have wished before to live alone but not in this way, I literally went out of my comfort zone on my 32nd birthday, if before I just stayed home and not be bothered with other people. Today, I have to smile, talk and asked for help when needed. Yes, I can’t be a snob anymore and just look around, I have to be outgoing and learn how to mingle with other people, I can’t just be silent anymore and hide all the time.

My 32nd birthday brought a lot of changes into my life.  What is ironic, into my 32nd birthday, I have returned to the hospital where I was born. They said when you are returning from where you started, it means your life is nearing to the end.

If not for my sister blurting out that it will be my birthday soon, I will not be reminded of it.  Yes, it will be my birthday in a few days, my family is excited about the thought of eating a chocolate cake and eating out on my birthday. The thing is my sister and mother planned to buy a chocolate cake, they both agreed that they will split the cost of the cake but I right now I don’t think there will be a cake on my birthday, my father didn’t work for a week because he is sick.

They’re in town right now for his check-up, hopefully they are able to scheduled a time for the doctor after getting a diagnosis in a diagnostic center. The doctor told him to return to her clinic after two months but it didn’t happen, he got many complications to the medicine prescribed by the doctor, so he stop taking the medicine and then we decided to changed it to branded medicine, it works well the side effects were gone but he didn’t finish taking the complete medicine, he either forgot to take every morning or I guess he just didn’t want to, because every time my father take the medicine he will asked how much does it cost,  knowing that the medicine is expensive he didn’t take the remaining medicines since he knew when he is done with it we have to buy another set of it until he finishes 60 tablets.

[Photo courtesy of Pixabay/pexels.com]

Well, I didn’t force him to finish taking the medicines I just watch out his diet, I also didn’t insist of bringing him to the doctor for his scheduled check-up but things things became more complicated after he works under the rain, he needs to see a doctor today which means expenses.

The thought of cake and eating a simple meal on my birthday is gone, I have so many bills to pay. I set-up a small business at home but it didn’t work smoothly, my resellers have many past due accounts that I have to pay in town. I have loans left and right so I could pay them because there is no one I could ask for help, my work online wasn’t that great as before because my internet connection is limited and not much opportunities anymore. I have become sickly too these past few months, had a minor electrical accident and so on.

There are times when I am alone, I just cry silently and not letting my family see my tears, I smiled and laughed in front of them, cracked jokes like crazy but little did they know…

Yesterday afternoon we are invited by  a relative to their house which is just a few meters away from us, the son of my aunt’s brother in-law is celebrating his second birthday. Her brother in-law just came home from abroad and he went home in the province with her wife and two older siblings living in the city to visit my aunt’s husband and family and celebrated his son’s birthday as well in their hometown.

The food was catered, there’s plenty of food for everyone and after eating there are some games for children administered by my older cousin. The kids enjoyed the loots and the food as well as the cash price for the games that were played.

Since my aunt’s backyard was a bit pebbled the kids move in the open field to play sack race and relay, dunno who win since we went home after eating like the most of the invited guests since the catering also packed their things after everyone ate.

Children’s birthday are well celebrated over here when parents are can afford to held a party. My older cousin’s G youngest daughter celebrated her 2^nd birthday today and they have a celebration at home where relatives and neighbors were invited for dinner, there is a separate place for my cousin’s visitors and friends, and they’re drinking while singing at the videoke machine they’ve rented.

Well, we just ate and left. We didn’t stay any longer because nobody is left in our home; our father is at relative house, my older cousin G’s father exactly they are having their own drinking session. I have went home twice while everybody is still eating, the first one when I brought my left over food. I didn’t eat all of the food in my plate; I am saving it for rainy days I mean for tomorrow. I have thought if I ate a lot tonight it will be hard for me to digest all the food overnight, I am starting to gain weight again these past few days since I ate a lot of rice again.

The second time when I get ice packs, my older cousin G’s wife requested for an ice pack and I volunteer to get it since my sister is still busy with her food. When I went home our cats were following me in the street especially the three little kittens we found in a garbage pit, it looks like they were already hungry. I have to pick them and brought them home before leaving the house, older cousin G’s house is just across the street.

Anyway, to cut the story short after steaming the rice in the pot I have decided to feed the kittens and I throw a chicken bone to our dog I had from the birthday party but without my knowing the smallest kitten went directly to our dog making it angry so she bit the kitten leaving me shocked by surprised.

Well, while blogging right now I can hear the visitors singing in the videoke machine and I felt like crying hearing the older love songs, I am an old soul.

We’ve went to a distant cousin’s daughter dedication and birthday party, it was in the neighboring barangay.  We arrived late because we have to wait until our father came home from work, he is working out of town and then we have to go directly to town to buy load for TV so we could have other channels to watch, thanks to their new subscription fee we are able to avail few channels for $2.12, way better than watching only one channel when just using antenna.

The reception was decorated grandiosely, the entrance was adorned with colorful balloons arched together, the main hall was a steal, there’s table for the favors, sweets and cookies, cakes and pictures,  food is catered and etc.  When we arrived,  the party host is facilitating a game for the kids. It’s a buffet so we help ourselves with the food,  we find a vacant table in the corner where we ate silently. Our immediate relatives came home ahead of us since they’ve done eating when we arrived.

[After the party]

We stayed a little longer as well because we have short conversation with our grandaunts after giving our respect, that’s where we found out that an uncle died a few days ago, before heading home we stop by at the reception hall to take pictures, it looks like the party theme is butterflies, we are told that a lot of butterflies were freed when the party started, that’s where the celebrant’s grandmother told us to help ourselves with the cake, well we went home with not only cake but a viand for our father as well, and one of our grandaunt handed a pancit to be given to our grandmother who came home early.

Maybe if we arrived early at the reception, we are able to get better photos while the decoration and food were not touched or eaten yet.

Today is our mother’s birthday, we have no plans to prepare something because we are financially lacking since my father’s a week salary was used to pay the farmer who harvested the grains and plowed the rice field, and our father wasn’t around too because he works out of town. But when they went to town in the morning, instead of buying fish for our viand, my sister suggested buying rice noodles so we could try something new and then it will look like a pancit too for our mother’s birthday.

My sister cooked it, and after lunch we went to town to buy cake since I have a little savings but before doing so, we went to the surplus shop, they were on huge sale again. We just look around and buy few shirts since we have no extra funds for them. The clothes too were bigger; I am quite thin now a days that I have to wear belt even on my daily shorts, after it, we bought the almost $8 chocolate cake roll for my mother’s birthday.

Well, at home I teased my mother that since she is already 50 years old, she should get matured now and stop being a child to us, that even a little thing she will ask us to do it for her. There are times I felt like I am the eldest of three daughters, and I have two younger sisters, my mother and my younger sister.  We always end up fighting because we don’t agree with each other, we have different perception and likes and to avoid it I learned not to middle on their business and insists what I think is right. I guess, I have grow so much and get tired of our little fights.

It was been a habit around here to dedicate the child on his 1st birthday because it was economical for parents to prepare and held only one reception in span of one year.

Well, it was a year ago when we visited my younger cousin in the hospital after giving birth to her first child, it was a joyful occasion because her daughter was the first grandchild of her parents when two of her older siblings were already married but no child yet, and with less than a year this younger cousin gave birth to their second child which is a son.

Anyway, today is my younger cousin’s daughter 1st birthday and dedication, their house is about 300 meters away.  Most of their visitors are just relatives and the church people, they really prepared for the celebration because they have plenty of food and the reception was decorated well.

After eating, kids and kids at heart went busy getting the balloons decorated around the reception, I took one in a shape of a pretzel.